Diet Pepsi: My Favorite Food Group

For the critics of the world, who laugh at my office mini-fridge full of Diet Pepsi and tell me that my consumption of it will kill me before my designated time (July 7, 2038), I have two words: I disagree.

Aspartame is awesome. Dr. John Fernstrom, Professor of Psychiatry, Pharmacology and Neuroscience at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine, told the Cancer Law Weekly (3/18/06), "An examination of the animal and human research findings by regulatory bodies in countries around the world has led repeatedly to the conclusion that aspartame is safe."

Further, I would add that aspartame is awesome. According to the same article:
Four long-term carcinogenicity studies on aspartame conducted in accordance with international standards have found no relationship between aspartame and any form of cancer. The studies were submitted to numerous regulatory agencies, such as the FDA, which conducted exhaustive reviews of the data. The FDA Commissioner noted: "Few compounds have withstood such detailed testing and repeated, close scrutiny, and the process through which aspartame has gone should provide the public with additional confidence of its safety."

So, as you read the following poem (written by Mark W. Truax), please enjoy a light and refreshing Diet Pepsi.

I hate you, Coke, and your sugary sweetness,
I am switching my soda game.
My new favorite drink is Diet Pepsi,
Rich in flavor and aspartame.
And when I am the President
Of this great US-American land,
I will provide a cold Diet Pepsi
In every US-American hand.
Truax for President, 2040!